“I want to take you on kind of an inebriational travelogue here.”
– Tom Waits
We’re going to take you on a tour of Hollywood Boulevard. Some of these spots were used as sets in movies, others frequented by famous people, and some are a little bit of both. The most important thing is, you can get a drink at about 82% of them, the other 18% are cool enough to go to regardless of drinks.
Whenever someone comes out to visit they usually want to see Hollywood Blvd. If you’re from New York I’m sure it’s akin to Times Square or Westminster in London. Anyway, I’ve kind of perfected the tour. Here goes:
If you’re taking the subway take the Red Line to Hollywood & Highland Station. If driving, park at Hollywood & Highland, point is, this is the start of the tour and it brings you to the first attraction.
Dolby Theater – Formerly the Kodak Theater this is where the Academy Awards have taken place since 2002. It’s also a mall which is so odd, can you imagine Frances McDormand or Gary Oldman go by a friggin Hello Kitty store and a Lids on their way to an Oscar?
You also get good views of the Hollywood sign from here.
Walk out of Hollywood / Highland towards Hollywood Blvd. Directly in front of you is El Capitan Theater and a Greco NY Style Pizza. (Don’t go there, you’re in LA why do you want sad attempt at a “NY style pizza”? That’s dumb. Get some tacos)
Bang a right and walk past the guys dressed as Captain Jack Sparrow and Darth Vader, don’t take pictures unless you’re willing to pay them. Capt. Jack Sparrow is a legit pirate in that respect.
Keep walking until you see the Grauman’s Chinese Theater. It’s expensive to see a movie here, but it’s also steeped in history (Star Wars premiered here for starters) I just wouldn’t want to see a movie that may suck. You can go right up to the handprints and put your hands in. My favorite is Clint Eastwood, guy must have punched the wet cement.
OK after the Chinese Theater you’re going to cross the street to The Roosevelt Hotel. This is where Marilyn Monroe lived for a while, her ghost apparently haunts it. Also, the first ever Academy Awards was held, and a one Matt Pagourgis saw Craig Robinson at the bar (See, celebrity sightings do happen on Hollywood Blvd).
Once outside the Roosevelt you’re gonna take a right and walk back the way you came on the other side of the street towards Highland. You’re not missing much to the left, just a Buffalo Wild Wings and some Scientology building which, you’ll see plenty of if you’re in LA long enough.
Head past Hooters and on your right is where they film Jimmy Kimmel Live, try to catch a show if you’re so inclined. Right after that is the Disney owned El Capitan Theatre. This is where a lot of the Disney joints have their premiers, as did Citizen Kane. It’s a cool spot to watch a movie, it’s more expensive but if you’re ok spending a little extra for the experience (and the movie doesn’t suck) you’ll be happy. I regret not seeing Wreck It Ralph there, I heard they had the game in the lobby which is awesome.
Now we’re walking east past Hollywood Highland stop in the Pig N’ Whistle for a few drinks before exploring the Grauman’s Egyptian Theater. Pig N’ Whistle opened for business in 1927 while the Egyptian opened in 1922 where the movie Robin Hood starring Douglas Fairbanks premiered.
Cross the street at Las Palmas for our next stop, Musso & Frank Grill, established in 1919. Here you don’t have to but you really should order the Dry Martini (stirred not shaken). If the words dry and martini make you thirsty you can make one at home, here’s the official Musso & Frank’s martini recipe.
Many people like F. Scott Fitzgerald, Nathanael West, Dorothy Parker, William Faulkner, Ernest Hemingway, Jim Thompson, and Dashiell Hammett knocked them back here. And it wasn’t just writers who liked Musso’s; Charlie Chaplin had his own special booth, Orson Welles got fat there, Johnny Depp, Keith Richards, John Barrymore, and The Rat Pack hung there, it’s a piece of history for sure. I’m willing to wager John Barrymore (Or Robert Mitchum for that matter) took a piss in at least one corner of Musso’s.
Leaving Musso’s; now here’s where you’ve got a walk ahead of you. If you want to “go Hollywood” hop in a Lyft (fuck Uber) and hit the bricks for a staggering .3 Miles to Hollywood / Cahuenga (cuh-wang-guh) also known as Raymond Chandler Square. The Pacific Security Bank Building at 6381 Hollywood Blvd Los Angeles, CA 90028 was the likely inspiration for Philip Marlowe’s office building. About 7 and a half decades later, Matt Pagourgis also worked in that building for a reality show about a former mobster.
Right next to Marlowe & Pagourgis Building you will see Scum and Villainy Cantina a Star Wars themed bar. This place is cool for a drink but I didn’t understand why it wasn’t just a Star Wars theme bar, they have Lord of the Rings drinks and Milla Jovovich’s character from the Fifth Element (Leeloo Minaï Lekatariba-Laminaï-Tchaï Ekbat de Sebat) served us drinks. The Asteroid Field drink looked cool, I didn’t try it but some dude next to me did and I regretted my whiskey based decision.
Now we’re heading east to Hollywood and Vine. If you’re hungry on the way, stop at Pie Hole.
At Hollywood and Vine, look north down Vine St, you’ll see the Capitol Records Building.
Continue walking East towards The Frolic Room a wonderful dive bar where Charles Bukowski drank (where didn’t he?) and allegedly (but probably not) the last call for Elizabeth Short (aka the Black Dahlia), here’s some other bars that claim that as well though. Regardless of whether or not the Black Dahlia was last seen here, it’s a fun little bar. Many other celebrities and professional drinkers have imbibed here, like Frank Sinatra and Judy Garland for instance. Howard Hughes owned both the Pantages and the bar from 1949 to 1954. They’ve got a mural by artist Al Hirschfeld which has caricatures of celebrities from that era like Albert Einstein, Clark Gable, Laurel & Hardy, Marilyn Monroe and the Marx Brothers.
Right next door is The Pantages Theater. Built in 1930, it housed the Academy Awards from 1949-1959.
This is sometimes the end of the road for my trips, taking the subway at Hollywood/Vine station. If you don’t want to go to the next two stops, hop on the train and pick the tour back up at Hollywood / Western.
Now we’re heading east to The Museum of Death which is interesting to say the least. They’ve got some original Pogo the Clown (John Wayne Gacy) artwork and Henri Landru’s supposed severed head. Like I said, it’s an interesting experience.
Not far down the road is Florentine Gardens another place they said Elizabeth Short was on her last night on earth. It’s now a nightclub, so depending on the time of day you could maybe check it out, if you’re willing to pay a cover. Usually like I said we’re day drinking so I’d just point that out as a Dahlia spot and continue east down Hollywood.
Once we’re at Hollywood / Western station we are in Thai Town / East Hollywood / Little Armenia / Los Feliz depending on who you’re talking to. Like most people in LA this part of town has a bit of an identity crisis. If you got on the train at Hollywood and Vine and skipped the Museum of Death welcome back, this is my old hood where I used to live (on Kinglsey).
Harvard and Stone is a cool bar, fun place to grow albeit a little crowded on weekends. But if you want to go to a Hollywood institution, look no further than Jumbo’s Clown Room. Jumbo’s is your average clown room, it’s a great time.
After Jumbo’s you can head north to Franklin Ave, 5121 Franklin Ave, Los Angeles, CA 90027 to be exact. It’s the John Sowden House and the last Black Dahlia spot on the tour. Known as the “Jaws House” it was designed by Frank Lloyd Wright and was by many accounts the home where the Black Dahlia was murdered. Or at least her murderer lived.
Now this is a long walk but we’re heading to Vermont Ave, where you can eat at House of Pies (where Tarantino and and Charlie Kaufman penned scripts), drink at The Dresden which was in Swingers and surprisingly (as of the date I’m writing this) Marty and Elayne are still staying alive!
If you’ve followed me on this tour this long you might as well go to one last spot, my favorite. Ye Rustic Inn, a dive bar with great buffalo wings. It’s where Kiefer Sutherland did some Karate moves and you can listen to some good music and drink swill. Across the street is The Drawing Room, it’s cash only but it’s another fun dive.
And with that I bid you adieu.
